omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
