it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
