so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
