My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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