So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
ttyl tear gas
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
