oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
