Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
