is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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