I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
