My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
