my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
