the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
