i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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