just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
