Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
