My room smells like vodka and shame
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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