I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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