kristin has been a bad kristin
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it glows. i had to have it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
