I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
