and you said cock pushups were impossible
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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