I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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