just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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