His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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