We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He felt like a one man threesome
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize