Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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