are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
