i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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