I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
