My friends, they love my intelligence
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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