I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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