I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
