Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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