I was born with a shot glass in my hand
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
