Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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