I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
