apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
