Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
