i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
