all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
