I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
