I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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