why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
