I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
