I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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