and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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