I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
