NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
