Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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