Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
