My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
