What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
